Why?
by Caerix
Summary: Why did I leave? Why did you say you would miss me? Why didn't I tell you...I loved you? One-shot RoxasPOV Akuroku Axel/Roxas Possible two-shot if you want an AxelPOV


Discliamer: Not mine *pouts* if it was, you'd have seen this in the game.

I've seen this scene so many times and this is how I thought it would be like for Roxas. This is not AU, when Roxas takes over, we'll just say Sora can't remember it. It's a definate possibility in the game (you know, if it wasn't rated E) sorry about the Roxas angst (and insane-ish moments) stuff, and yes Axel DOES die. :'( Don't think I hate Axel, I lovelovelovelovelove him so much. This almost made me cry.

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Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in leaving, running away from my friends, family…_you_. I am trapped in a dark place. There is no light her aside from the image of you as seen by my Other. Right now, as I watch you fading away, I think–no! I don't _think_, I _know_ that it was the worst decision of my life. I feel my heart break as I remember that fateful night. Some crazy part of me is still hoping this is all just some sick, twisted dream, and that soon I'll wake up back in my room in The World That Never Was and we'll go on missions and eat ice cream and everything else we used to do before I decided to leave the Organization, but....it was real…all too real.

_I walk down the cold dark street, eyes narrowed in determination and looking straight forward, trying to ignore your green eyes staring at me intentely._

"_Your mind's made up?" you had asked with sadness echoing in your voice._

Ha! Sadness! What a joke. We don't have hearts, Axel! I thought you had that memorized. So then why do I feel the pain where my heart should be as I see you dying right in front of me?

"_Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."_

Now I did know, and I wish I didn't. Now I don't even have a body of my own. They all lied to me. They said I would be complete when we merged, but I still have no heart. At least with a body, I could make my own descisions. Now I have no choice but to sit on the sidelines, useless and forgotten.

"_You can't turn your back on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" you exclaim._

Watching this scene, I wish they would have. It would be better than having to feel this despair. Heh. Now I _must _be going mad, I think I can feel!

"_No one would miss me." I reply. I walked away from you, but I still managed to hear your last words before I leave. "That's not true!…I would."_

I should have turned around, came running back to you. I should have asked if you wanted to come with me at least, but I was a fool, and the thought never crossed my mind that you would _want_ to.

Even after merging with Sora, things kept coming back to me. I remember everything now, every little detail of my once-life, but most of all, I remember you. You were my first friend, and even then I felt like there was something more to it.

We were so comfortable around each other back then, before we were forced to fight against each other. And you could always make me blush and squirm in embarrassment when you flirted with me. I didn't think anything of it really–you did it to everyone–until the night I left. I knew you weren't joking when you said you would miss me, so why did I still leave? Why!?

My Other just looks at you in shock, and me, trapped in his mind, crying out to you. Trying to make this body's lips move, tell you how much I love you. "You're…fading," Sora tells you. I want to yell at him. 'Of course he is you stupid kid!'

You're dying, I can see you fading back into the darkness, the wisps of black smoke making you look even paler. Sora just sits there while I desperately wish that I could hold you in my arms and kiss your pain away. I'll gladly give up what existence I have left just for you to live.

"Well, that's what happens when you put your entire being into an attack," you say weakly. I can tell it isn't easy for you to speak.

Why did you do this Axel? You could have lived! "What were you trying to do?" he asks you, making me wonder if he can read my thoughts.

"I wanted…to see Roxas," you tell him. I perk up as much as I can in this situation, and I can feel joy in my chest despite the death all around us. "He…was the only one I liked. He made me feel…like I had a heart." For once both me and Sora feel the same thing, pure shock. You love me enough to give your life...just to see me?

More than ever I want to hold you. I try desperately to gain control of Sora's body, begging him, and he lets me. His body changes into mine in a white flash, and I thank him a hundred times over as I pull you into a strong hug, never wanting to let go. You seem shocked. "I love you," I whisper and close my eyes, red from crying. "I love you, I love you, I love you." It becomes my mantra, only stopping when I feel a hand caress my face. I open my eyes to see you smiling back at me.

"I…love you too…Roxas." Your breathing is even more labored now. "Roxas," you continue quietly. The tears are still falling down my face even though I am overjoyed at finally, after so long, being able to touch you, feel the natural warmth of your body that is slowly cooling as your life slips away. "Promise me…that we'll meet again…in the next life…Promise me."

I nod fervently. "Yes, Axel. I'll find you again if it's the last thing I do. You can't get rid of me that easily." You chuckle slightly at my attempt to make the air less depressing. "Seal it with a kiss?" you ask. I don't hesitate as I press my lips to yours passionately. They are cold with quickly-arriving death. I slip my tongue in your mouth, and you do the same. If this was our only kiss, it was going to be a real one. I feel it when you go limp and I break away and start to sob, renewed tears flowing down my face.

In another flash, Sora is back in control once again. You're gone now, not even ashes remain. I thought there would be some, considering you controlled fire. However, when I see the flash and silver and red, I feel my spirits lift. There, where your body should have been, is a tiny version of one of your chakrams. Sora picks it up, and I think of the perfect name. '_Bond of Flame._' Don't worry Axel, I'll find you again, I swear on everything I have to give, my body, my soul, my mind...and my heart. It's all yours, Axel. It always has been.

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This is my first time writing a shonen-ai story. Please review and tell me if it's any good. If you can't tell, Roxas DOES actually have a heart, no matter what Xemnas(*cough*Mansex*cough*) says. lol


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